Style Invitational Week 1236: Portmanteaux faux — give us a fake ‘combination’ of words Plus the winning captions for Bob Staake’s cartoons (Cartoons by Bob Staake/for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers By Pat Myers Entertainment July 13 // (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning cartoon captions from Week 1232.) *AMEN: A combination of “abominable” and “yes-men.” Example: “Do you love our president? Let’s hear an Amen!”* *DEGREE: Combines “degrading” and “twee.” “So what was it like to defend your dissertation in front of Professor Pomposity?” “Totally the third degree.” * You'll have the pool all to yourself with this prize emoji-motif raft. (FIVEBELOW.COM) ** This week’s contest, suggested by classics scholar /and / 87-time Loser Ann Martin, combines a couple of the Invitational’s frequent contest themes: It incorporates the idea of a portmanteau word, a word that’s coined by combining two other words, along with our beloved practice of promulgating totally bogus explanations. *This week: Explain — inaccurately but amusingly — how a real word is a combination of two or more words, *with an illustrative sentence, as in the examples above, or some other funny way. Submit entries at this website: *wapo.st/enter-invite-1236* (all lowercase). Winner gets the *Inkin’ Memorial, * the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational trophy — one of the last few before we come out with a new design. Second place receives, actually in season for once, a *raft-size triangular brown pool float* — in this case, we should call it a floater — depicting the now-famous poop emoji . The triangle’s long sides are almost five feet long. Donated by Hall of Fame Loser Jeff Contompasis. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our Grossery Bag, “I Got a B in Punmanship.” Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “No Childishness Left Behind” or “Magnum Dopus.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). Deadline is Monday night, July 24; results published Aug. 13 (online Aug. 10). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline for this week’s results is by Jeff Contompasis; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Chris Doyle. Join the Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday. / *The Style Conversational *The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially for song parody guidance this week, check it out at wapo.st/styleconv . And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . *FOUR-TOON TELLERS: THE CAPTIONS OF WEEK 1232 * In *Week 1232 *the Empress asked you, as she does two or three times a year, to write one or more captions for cartoons by Style Invitational Artist 4 Ever Bob Staake. 4th place /Picture D:/ *The office’s production of “Romeo and Juliet” was hampered by a very small budget.* (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) 3rd place /Picture B: / *“I told you your sister would just die if we announced our engagement!”* (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) 2nd place and the “Free Tommy Chong” T-shirt from 2003: /Picture C:/ *“For our lovely American visitors, tonight’s special is “Pot de Chambre.”* (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.) And the winner of the Inkin’ Memorial: /Picture D:/ *“Good grief, Doris! Ailes and O’Reilly are gone, okay? Now get those sweet cheeks down here and pour us some coffee already.”* (Jesse Frankovich, Grand Ledge, Mich.) Droopy draws: honorable mentions *PICTURE A* *Sal emphatically “explained” to Officer Pupp that “free press” does NOT refer to the sale price*. (Larry McClemons, Annandale, Va.) *“Don’t blame me, Officer McGregor; I told you it was hard-hitting coverage.”* (David Ballard, Reston. Va.; Bill Lieberman, Ellicott City, Md.) *You’re looking for a ‘cop on the beat’ deal? How about a ‘beat on the cop’?”* (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia) *“A cop on duty should not be toking a giant blunt!”* (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.) *Astronomers marveled at the discovery of two very large planets, one shaped like a policeman and the other a newsstand, in the vicinity of Saturn*. (Mark Raffman) *An example of one of those “Noxious Emissions Widely Spewed” stands that have been popping up since the election.* (Bill Lieberman) /And Last:/ *“I don’t care how long you’ve been asleep, Officer van Winkle, here in 2017 the Sunday Washington Post costs $3.50 a pop, and it still runs The Style Invitational.”* (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.) ** *PICTURE B * ** *“Dang, I shouldn’t have advertised for undertakers on Monster.com.”* (James Scarborough, McLean, Va., a First Offender) *“My orders are to recover the monolith we placed on your world eons ago, not an Ikea bookcase.” *(Jeff Contompasis) *“Mom! You know I only eat living bodies . . .”* (Rob Huffman) *“No way, Helen! It says I get all the coffins right here in our prenup.” *(Jesse Frankovich) *“Not so fast, Mom. We shouldn’t play Giant Jenga until we’ve read the instructions.”* (Jesse Frankovich) *“On Jupiter, we require a written contract for the sale of half a Kit Kat bar.”* (Mark Raffman) *“Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . Where in the script does it say I have a love scene with Carol Channing?*” (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.) *“No, Org ask you bring me BEER!”* (Jesse Frankovich) *All that Granny could think about on encountering the lizardlike, one-eyed, spike-tailed undertaker was: Why does he have nipples?* (Mark Raffman) *PICTURE C* *“. . . and the fly is gluten-free.”* (Marni Penning Coleman, Falls Church, Va.) *“Actually, he’s doing the 100-centimeter individual medley.”* (Jason Russo, Annandale, Va.) *“Out of respect, you should wait for these two to finish mating.”* (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.) *Gaspard’s strong accent led many diners to reject their complimentary bowls of the chef’s Special Golden Chowder. *(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) *“Permit me to stir it with my umbrella.”* (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.) *“I think your first course just ate the second.” * (Frank Mann, Washington) *“Just close your eyes and imagine they’re noodles.” * (Jesse Frankovich) *To the diners’ dismay, Google translate confirmed that “soupe avec élan” could mean either “soup with zest” OR “soup with moose.”* (Jeff Contompasis) *PICTURE D* *Fine, Ms. Jenkins, you win. Come down and we’ll allow you to make seventy-EIGHT percent of what we do.* (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.; Jason Russo) *“Calm down, Marge. When I said ‘foursome,’ I meant golf.*” (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis) *“Please, madam! You’re the only person left in Pennsylvania who hasn’t heard of Bill Cosby. Please come back to Philadelphia with us for the retrial.” (*Bill Lieberman) *When the traps baited with $100 bills didn’t work, Mrs. Johnson realized grimly that her kitchen was not infested with ordinary lawyers, but rather with LOBBYISTS.* (John Hutchins) *Unfortunately, one of the characters on Lizzie’s Loser magnets resembled the CEO of the firm. *(Dave Prevar) *Still running — deadline is also Monday, July 24: our song parody contest for lyrics about science and technology. See wapo.st/invite1235 . *